Johny's asshole.

Oh, hi. It’s just me…Brian. Today’s entry may have a melancholy feel about it because I am in a melancholy mood. I found out today that I didn’t get accepted into the fiction workshop I wanted, again. And the ex-boyfriend DID (get accepted), again. I’m taking the GRE tomorrow and am also freaking out about that…I can feel the ulcers gnawing at my gut. This new defeat has made me rather, hm, pessimistic toward the future. MFA programs accept roughly 1.9% of their applicants. Will stupid ass ex-boyfriend get into Iowa while I continue to fill my lungs with weird NY air? Probably, unless I stop fucking around and actually WORK. I’m deleting my Facebook until mid-January (when applications are due) and until then I’m going to write for at least three hours a day (this blog not included).

Alex

I was talking to my roommate last night about my desire to grow my hair past my shoulders. I told her how I can never get it there because I always get all manic about something and then decide to chop it off. My thoughts are something to the effect of: *slashes hair* “This is for all my sins!” *slashes hair again* “Take that, cruel world!”

Sadly I am hardly kidding.

Giordanno

I’ve made it pretty far this time around, my hair’s currently about an inch above shoulder-length and my beard is coming in nicely. But I know from personal experience and from the experiences related to me by others–hair-cutting is often used as a tool for renewal and revitalization. Which makes me wonder…what about the hairy guys? Not just the sprig-of-chest-hair guys, but the BEARS? The hairy motherfuckers, if you will. What kind of balls do they have that they don’t have to immediately rush to the clippers every time a mini-crisis occurs? It’s an act of cleansing and purification…or maybe I’m just not happy with myself yet.

Anthony...he's straight.

Which would mean, by some permutation of the transitive property…the hairy motherfuckers are confident as hell? Hm. Or they’re just lazy. Either way, they’re the kind of man who can’t be bothered to trim here and there and spend three hours each morning meticulously applying product. He’s got more important things to do. Like chop down trees, grill cheeseburgers, practice auto-fellatio…Maybe that’s why hairy guys are so hot. They’ve got the stamina to let ‘er grow, they love who they are so much they can’t bear to shave (ha, get it, BEAR)…

Or they probably just don’t give a fuck what they look like. Or are scared of razors. Hm.

Anthony's Ass...sounds like Sophie's Choice

Therefore. In honor of people unlike me who would probably just go get drunk tonight and not freak out about some stupid standardized test, I present to you: the men who aren’t pansies. The hairy studs.

Guess who got nominated for Cybersocket BEST GAY PORN BLOG ? No, not the strikingly handsome young man photographed above (you know, the one standing victorious on the battlefield?). Benny Morecock (you know, the one whose head is on my muthafucking platter!).

No, to be fair I’m not really planning to decapitate Benny. In fact, I ‘ll be a good sport and say here:

To tell you the truth, bitch is handling it better than I would. In fact, if you vote for him and then e-mail him saying you voted for him, he’ll send you a pic of his, well, sizeable to say the least COCK. A personalized cock photo from the manager of Studmall.com . What more could a guy ask for? Oh, what’s that you say? Hairy studs? Exclusive hairy studs? Wait, as in the super-hugely popular Hairy Studs Video from a few years ago? So you want pictures and trailers from the original hairy studs? Now that just seems impossible–

OH WAIT. NO IT’S NOT. Go see why Benny Morecock got the nom (nom nom nom)…or just go see some hairy studs.A preview:

[video filename=/wp-content/Anthony-Tony-free-trailer-hairy-studs-video.flv vid_image=http://studmuffinblog.com/wp-content/uploads/titchgiantballs.jpg /]

Dear Karma, it’s me Brian Ritz. You owe me. Sincerely, Brian Elizabeth Ritz

Today, dear readers, I bring you a very special treat. My TOP 10 STUDMUFFINS (in no particular order…or are they?) and where you can see more of them.

10. Alex

See him in: Hairy Motherfuckers, Hairy Motherfuckers 2, Hairy Studs Video Vol 3
Watch him now: Maleserve.tv

9. Alex Stevens

Alex Stevens

See him in: Porn Boy, Body Heat, Bareback Skater Trash
Watch him now: Maleserve.tv

8. Damon Dogg

Damon Dogg

See him in: Bone Deep, Skull Fuck, Drunk on Cum 5

7. Jeffery Radden

Jeffery Radden

See him in: For a Few Inches More, Bareback Cum Sluts, Bare Desire
Watch him now: Maleserve.tv

6. Jessy Karson

Jessy Karson

See him in: Hooked, Videboys Gallery

5. Matt Hughes

Matt Hughes (being serviced)

See him in: 11″ Fuck Stud, Porn Boy, Straight Boy
Watch him now: Maleserve.tv

5.

4. Ray Dragon

Ray Dragon

See him in: Dragon Cumblast
More films from his studio (he directs/produces, too!): Closed Set Oral Report, The Best of Old Reliable

3. Titch Jones

Titch Jones

See him in: Pounded, Supersized Fuck Machine, Double Dicking
Watch him now: Maleserve.tv

2. Will Jamieson

Will Jamieson

See him in: Porn Academy 2: Fuck Buddies, Borstal Boy, Hung Ladz
Watch him now: Maleserve.tv

1. Pierre Fitch

See him in: Knockout, Pierre’s After-School Special, Hardcore Marathon
Watch him now: Maleserve.tv

I love men. As you can probably tell by like, 9/10 posts on this blog, I want a MAN and not a barely-legal bitch who screws his pretty little face up in a grotesque manner as his quaint virgin hole is annihilated.

And apparently, gay America is right along with me. Take the 2009 GayVN awards. Raging Stallion’s To the Last Man, a notably manly flick, swept the ceremony with 13 awards including Best Pictures, Best Actor, and Best Supporting Actor. Wikipedia has this to say about Best Actor Ricky Sins (Hotter Than Hell, Inkstorm, Ink Stain) :

Ricky performed eight years of service in the US Army as a Special Forces Sergeant First Class.^[2] During his military service he had 28 confirmed kills. Three of his military years were spent in Iraq where an explosive device caused head trauma, damaged his hearing in his right ear, and broke his right wrist.^[3]

Kinda like the anti-twink right there, don’t ya think?

Nothing about this guy is twinky.

Best group sex scene went to one of my all-time favorite movies: Black Scorpion’s SEX HIKER. And Logan McCree, one of my top 5 people I’d like to stick my dick in (oh, also Sarah Palin…just to watch her squirm…and by stick my dick in, I mean stick my dick in her eyehole. And then get her pregnant with my amazing politically-charged sperm but she won’t be able to have an abortion because of Obama’s Baby-Killing Plan Death Panel), Logan McCree won Best Performer.

That's the last expression she would make before my dick slipped into her eye.

Interestingly enough, the only explicit TWINK on the GayVN Awards is from Bel Ami, for Best Actor in a Foreign Release. And we all know (and some of us love) the European twinkmongers like Eurocreme, Bare, Staxus, etc.

SO. The point of the matter is: America loves Men. I don’t want to get too cultural and analytical about this, but it’s an interesting thought. I was reading this post on Gawker a few days ago, and a commenter made the point that our gaydar is basically nullified when it comes to European men–they generally tend to take great care when it comes to grooming/outfitting/etc. — at least a lot more than the stereotypical American man.  I bet this has something to do with why Europeans/European porn seems more geared toward the clean-cut than American porn. This is obviously NOT ALWAYS THE CASE. Have you seen the Alphamale / Bulldog lines? Definitely exceptions to the rule.

Maybe, and this is stretching it, it has something to do with the fact that America’s a relatively new country and we’re on kinda shaky terms with the rest of the world as it is. Maybe we want the illusion of comfort, protection. When you’re being force-fed scare tactics and the airport thinks your nipple rings are terrorist devices (ahem), when people try to kill your president and the economy is falling down on itself the way you, depressed out of your mind last Saturday, fell drunkenly onto the pavement…well, any inkling of security is worth latching onto, even if it is the old stereotype of He-Man coming to save the day.

I spy...with my little eye...a really fucking phallic symbol!